I’m equally as close to wining as I am far from losing. This ground I occupy doesn’t satisfies my hunger for a meaningful life yet, at the same time, keeps me safe from the hole called failure. I am expected to be on the positive side, to score the goal over and over. As if the middle doesn’t exist. As if there is no beginning to the game of my life, no tipping events that cause for me to either be pushing the ball of opportunity to the winning side, or live my life chasing after the opportunity as someone else goes for the win I crave for so badly.
I want to win, doesn’t everyone? I want to score the goal! Dah… but my reality is that most of the time, I’m pushing the ball up from the wrong side to the right and just before I score circumstance or fear or self-pity or insecurity sweeps in from the side and snatches the victory. Then I chase, huffing and puffing, questioning why I keep going and keep trying.
Some argue hope is a man made concept created to make us feel more significant than we really are. I say its a fire that keeps burning in your soul that screams that you are worthy of the goal!So keep pushing, keep trying, keep learning because you can do and will! Its the Red Bull that enables you to stay up all night, even after a long day, even though everyone has left the show and has gone to sleep.
So what is freedom? Is it having everything given to you on a silver platter? Is it living life swerving and ducking from the hardship that usually houses immense opportunity? Could it be that freedom is choosing to enter a game of football, knowing that the ball won’t always be at your feet, but having the hope that at the end you will walk away knowing that at every point you had two options:To continue fighting for what you want or to give up and watch as someone else does what you came in wanting to do, and EVERY time you chose to continue. Though your body wanted to stop, though your will power turned against you, though people walked away from the match prematurely. You chose to continue.