The Middle Field

I’m equally as close to wining as I am far from losing. This ground I occupy doesn’t satisfies my hunger for a meaningful life yet, at the same time, keeps me safe from the hole called failure. I am expected to be on the positive side, to score the goal over and over. As if the middle doesn’t exist. As if there is no beginning to the game of my life, no tipping events that cause for me to either be pushing the ball of opportunity to the winning side, or live my life chasing after the opportunity as someone else goes for the win I crave for so badly.

I want to win, doesn’t everyone? I want to score the goal! Dah… but my reality is that most of the time, I’m pushing the ball up from the wrong side to the right and just before I score circumstance or fear or self-pity or insecurity sweeps in from the side and snatches the victory. Then I chase, huffing and puffing, questioning why I keep going and keep trying.

Some argue hope is a man made concept created to make us feel more significant than we really are. I say its a fire that keeps burning in your soul that screams that you are worthy of the goal!So keep pushing, keep trying, keep learning because you can do and will! Its the Red Bull  that enables you to stay up all night, even after a long day, even though everyone has left the show and has gone to sleep.

So what is freedom? Is it having everything given to you on a silver platter? Is it living life swerving and ducking from the hardship that usually houses immense opportunity?              Could it be that freedom is choosing to enter a game of football, knowing that the ball won’t always be at your feet, but having the hope that at the end you will walk away knowing that at every point you had two options:To continue fighting for what you want or to give up and watch as someone else does what you came in wanting to do, and EVERY time you chose to continue. Though your body wanted to stop, though your will power turned against you, though people walked away from the match prematurely. You chose to continue.



Where the Wind Blows East

The truth is, everyone dreams of being whisked away to a dream location to forget all their troubles and live their best life. We see living a full life as having all the money and the cars, free to move around as we wish, just like the winds. That true living is being in a state of full rest and access to every desire of the heart.

I’ve had the dream where I strive for money and fame. The one where I live in a castle, married to the Prince of Wales with four grey poodles and a polo court for a backyard. The dream in which I am a size six and always wearing Dulce and Gabana with a baby blue Bentley. All until I realized that all these things don’t enrich my soul. All until I realized that my true fulfillment comes from something much deeper.

I still want to be whisked away by the winds, but not to a private island. Westerly winds carry me to the east coast. Carry me to the land of colour and culture. Take me to India. Not so I may live a higher materialistic life, but a higher calling life. Take me deep into the land where my heart will break and hurt till I have no other option but to move. Whisk me to where my freedom may look like the movements of one aware of the suffering in the world. Where I may be free to follow my heart fully. Winds blow me to the east.